WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
