why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
