I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
