My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
