OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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