dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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