I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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