Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
