it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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