I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
