...so i touched it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
