Swine flu. Run for my life!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
