yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
