I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
