Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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