guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
