you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
