So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Someone came in the potted fern
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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