I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
