Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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