I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
