And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
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She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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