Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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