My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
