I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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