dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
