I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
