Don't make out with my wife yet
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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