i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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