I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
