Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
