I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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