My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
