if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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