am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
