I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
