Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is Oprah even human
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
