I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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