Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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