I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
