This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
