Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
