She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
