I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
