You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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