cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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