He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
