I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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