Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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