After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
