Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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