He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
