Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
