what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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