I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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