Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
