I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
