I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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