sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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