In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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