the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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