People with herpes should wear stickers.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
