That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
tell me about the eggs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
