People in love make me want to vomit
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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